A tortured pitch for torture-free holidays

For starters, we’d be badly remiss if we didn’t include the image that was plastered across the top of this pitch:

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With that out of the way, the pitch itself had a great opening line for its recipient, a science writer who doesn’t actually have a show:

GUEST FOR YOUR SHOW

The guest, naturally, wasn’t going to talk about science at all.

Happy Torture-Free Holidays!
The Top 5 Ways We Torture Ourselves at the Holidays and
The Simple Ways Not To
The Answers to Finding More Peace, Ease and Genuine Joy at Holiday Times!
Sue Elliott, Founder/Editor-in-Chief of Law of Attraction Magazine and Creator of “Heartfelt Holidays”

Dear [redacted],

Why do we feel so depressed, anxious, fearful, irritated and upset from Thanksgiving to New Year’s? It’s not always the annoying relatives and pressures to meet end-of-year deadlines at work. In fact, our unhappiness seldom comes from outside… Most often what makes us craziest at the holidays is OURSELVES.
Sue Elliott, the Founder/Editor-in-Chief of Law of Attraction Magazine and a leading transformation and power activator coach, says there are five key ways that we torture ourselves at the holidays!
Mastering these are the first steps in making your holidays the joy they were intended to be, and relaxing into peace, ease and fun. Your listeners will learn to watch for these hot buttons, and Sue will offer the shifts they need to make in their attitude in order to regain their equanimity and joy.

Torture #1: Comparing our real families – and the memories of holidays with them – with the “perfect” families we’ve seen in movies and on TV.
Torture #2: Beating ourselves up over gaining weight at the holidays.
Torture #3: Keeping score in gift-giving.
Torture #4: Getting upset every time we have to stand in line.
Torture #5: Trying to buy the “perfect” gifts for people.

And the pitch wrapped up with perhaps the finest closing I’ve yet to see from any PR.

Happy Torture-Free Holidays

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